- Title: “Booze, Bullshit, & Buttfucking”
- Author: Jordan Sullivan
- Publisher: Amygdala Books
- Year of Release: 2023
- ISBN: 9798218167998
- Page Count: 290
- RRP: US$ 15
I don’t normally review books.
Or read them for that matter.
However, when BOOZE, BULLSHIT, & BUTTFUCKING was first sent to me to review, I was very excited! Then I realized doing a book review meant reading an entire book and I instantly got a panic attack and puked on my cat…
The cover itself is a work of mad genius, boasting that it has been on the New York Times Best Seller list for 10 years with a single blurb from Bobby Flay on the back: “This shit’s better than Grandma’s meatball recipe!”
My grandma didn’t have a meatball recipe, but if she did, I am more than confident BOOZE, BULLSHIT, & BUTTFUCKING would make her meatball recipe look like DOGSHIT!
In less than an hour after receiving it, my copy of BOOZE, BULLSHIT, & BUTTFUCKING was completely annihilated.
Pages ripped out.
Covered in every bodily fluid imaginable.
It was soon after I had this literal mess in front of me that I realized that every single page is a work of art fit to be framed in Goldleaf; and should adorn the walls of every museum, school, library, casino, truck stop, trap house, methadone clinic, glory hole, luxury rehab, sperm bank, and psych ward in our Great Country.
I laughed so hard I puked all over my cat!
I did not stop for a full six hours.
I almost died and killed my baby.
It’s a dangerous book. Consider yourself WARNED!
The first third consists of haikus, handwritten letters, lost screenplays from Tobey Maguire, Matthew Perry, Tyler Perry, Tom Hanks, lost interviews, celebrity quotes, disconnected thoughts, ideas, observations, and existential dilemmas. Such as:
Jeffery Epstein is a sweet old man with a southern accent: “I reckon I’m just as sentimental as the next feller when it comes to old times.”
Barack Obama gives sound life advice: “Never shake hands with anyone outside a methadone clinic, and NEVER get less than 14 hours of sleep a night.”
The last 2/3 of the book consists of 200 pages of late night/early morning tweets from Justin Drew Bieber’s “secret” Twitter account.
Most are disconnected.
Merely read as a series of tweets, they are hilarious, thought-provoking, unhinged – an absurd phantasm. With the layered context that these are the 3:00 a.m. ravings of Justin Drew Bieber, they rip your brain right out of your skull and beat it to a fucking pulp.
It is unclear where Sullivan begins and Bieber ends, but I really don’t feel the need to know.
Everything is unclear.
I just want to ride the fucking lightning straight to hell. Even if it means I’m ending up in a body shop bag after self-asphyxiating as a result of constant riotous laughter.
If laughing oneself to death is possible, I’m tickled pink this will be the book that will end me.
Sullivan’s work exposes the darkness in banality.
He embraces this darkness.
If he’s like me, he has no choice to, as it follows him. The way I embrace the darkness is through humour. This is why I feel such a deep connection with Sullivan’s work. He doesn’t take himself too seriously and seems to find COMIC GOLD in the most tragic and mundane places.
I am beyond thrilled to be introduced to Sullivan’s work. It’s changed the way I view everything and the way I will elevate my own artistic bullshit: By using Sullivan’s playbook – going balls deep confusing the shit out of everyone, and making them feel completely filthy for laughing.
I don’t know that there is anything quite like this out there. He is the quintessential anti-artist. A true comedian, prankster, and goddamned Chris Angel when it comes to mind fucking!
At first, I felt like Sullivan had a window into my brain.
I’m obsessed with the perversity of pop culture. I literally worship it: television, celebrity, fast food, daytime trash talk shows, child celeb trainwrecks, Red Lobster, Disney, reality TV, theme parks, the Royal Family, beauty pageants, billionaires, heiresses…
Pop culture in itself is grotesque and fucking hilarious as shit!
Sullivan exists somewhere in this hilariously fragmented nightmare. He has created a topsy-turvy fantasy world where Matthew Perry is a depraved sex addict, Tom Hanks (or “Tanks” as Bieber and I now call him) is a coke-fueled maniac, Obama came up with Obamacare while fucking to Coldplay, Jeffrey Epstein is a charming old man; and Justin Drew Bieber is secretly a shamelessly deranged ticking time bomb who loves Amazon Prime, Cockfights, Ruby Tuesdays, speedballs, K2, and Code Red Mountain Dew.
In short, this man knows how to par-tay!
There is also an epic battle between Bieber and a coked-up “Tanks” over a screenplay they collaborated on about the Cold War.
(Spoiler Alert!) Bieber finally pulls a Suge Knight and tweets about dangling Tanks’s “bitch ass off the balcony” of his penthouse.
Bieber is also complex at times, dark, ever-changing by the minute.
Also: Bieber sent out 33 tweets on May 30th.
Jesus died when he was 33.
33 is the atomic number of arsenic.
There are 33 degrees in the Scottish Rite freemasonry.
Water boils at 33 degrees.
33 is the number printed on all Rolling Rock bottles.
Club 33 is a private club in Disneyland, located in New Orleans Square.
Connect the fucking dots!
Attempting to make sense of this deranged sitcom in which we all star is an impossible feat. All you can do is live in it, embrace it, and weave COMIC GOLD out of abject tragedy.
I believe Sullivan, like myself, is captivated by the boorish lunacy going on around us and is drawn to the priceless comedy in the banal. Laughter is the best coping mechanism.
If you don’t have a sense of humor you’ll lose your fucking mind.
If you take yourself and the world too seriously, you’re a fucking idiot and you’ll most likely die tomorrow by your own hand.
What makes this text so great is that it comes from the gutter. It is easy to snub one’s nose at the tasteless vulgarity of Americana; and I’ve seen it done over and over in a nauseatingly derivative, humourless way.
Sullivan is not looking down at the vulgarity of America, he is speaking from the sewer.
I believe he’s seen some shit.
Through his art, he is able to moonwalk with his demons.
Sullivan is not the type of feller who makes art for the world around him. He’s a feller with an urgency to make art to cope with and attempt to understand the world around him.
America, as we know it today, is nearly impossible to critique. We live in a time where comedy, satire, nuance, and fun are dead.
Yet, simultaneously, America has lampooned itself. We exist in some never-ending absurd comedy. Attempting to understand where the joke ends and reality begins will make your fucking brain bleed.
This book encapsulates that perfectly.
It’s a perfect caricature of the American Psyche and “reality.”
I understand this feeling of confusion well.
I’m THRILLED Mr. Sullivan decided to start writing, or rather use a novel as a medium! Each page of BOOZE, BULLSHIT, & BUTTFUCKING is a masterpiece!
As a whole, it is a sidesplitting mindfuck.
It’s an anti-book.
It trumps The Bible in its importance and wisdom.
I find myself turning to random pages to find daily affirmations to begin the day by laughing so hard I nearly drown in my own phlegm.
BOOZE, BULLSHIT, & BUTTFUCKING should be required reading. It should be taught in kindergartens and universities, rehabs, and jails.
It belongs in every airport kiosk across America!
This book contains the secrets to existence. The keys to unlock your best life!
Sullivan is a Divine Comedian. He is Joel Osteen for all of us derelicts, perverts, and reprobate scum.
He’s the one who needs to start a church with Kanye! What a glorious fever dream that would be!
BOOZE, BULLSHIT, & BUTTFUCKING is the most fun I’ve had reading in 40 fucking years!
(Maybe I need a book full of tweets by Justin Bieber going off the rails to keep my attention.
That in itself speaks volumes.)
In closing, if you do not read this book, you are a virgin and a loser!!!
- “Booze, Bullshit, & Buttfucking” – Link to Purchase (via LuLu)
- “Booze, Bullshit, & Buttfucking” – Review by Emily Colucci via Filthy Dreams
- Jordan Sullivan – Website
- Jordan Sullivan – Instagram
- Jordan Sullivan – 2023 Interview via American Vulgaria
- Jordan Sullivan – 2021 Interview With Daniel Lichterwaldt via Les Nouveaux Riches
- Jordan Sullivan – 202? Interview With Lucía Padró via Metal
- Amygdala Books – Website
- Amygdala Books – Online Merch Store via Threadless
- Amygdala Books – Instagram
All images supplied by Meg or sourced online.